Yet the pleasure we partake in; was caused by the fanged grin

Ignore blog post title again, it’s the title of the Joy Division song I’mma listening to.

I’m not going to rant about how much work life bores me compared to school. At least I’m getting paid for it. And neither am I going to rant about how public transport in Singapore sucks, because everyone knows that public transport everywhere during peak hours will suck some serious ass. The thing I’m concerned about is my increasing passivity to physical (and thus romantic) attraction…

I look at someone and don’t quite feel anything anymore. Sure, they could be beautiful or handsome and nice to look at, or even talk to (once I get over staring at their bloody physical assets) but that’s all about it, I don’t feel the increasing need to become closer to them to form something more, or to chase the certain feelings that might arise (but never does anymore). It’s funny how everyone around me keeps getting on with new relationships and saying how good it all actually is, how good it feels, but I don’t see the point anymore. And I feel I’m sort of impervious to that sort of thing, because I cannot feel anything at all.

Pleasure, you say? I can do it all myself. I don’t need anyone else for that at this moment.

It’s probably some form of asexualism I’m forming, or some sort of imperviousness to developing relationships. Or maybe my personality is becoming sort of undesirable. It’s probably because I don’t show affection to people in conventional ways, just like — yeah, I keep my distance, but when time comes I do what I have to do, and people around me most probably misunderstand it.

And it’s also because I’m less of a “relationship” person and more of a (somewhat) friendly but quiet person… things are generally nicer when it’s all in your head being imagined (main reason why I like writing and imagining and rping), or the world being quieted down and nice sounds filling your head, instead of people rambling shit you know you don’t want to hear. You’ve heard it all before, haven’t you?

Ah well, I don’t see much the attraction of being tied down to one person and shit. I’d rather do polygamy :eyes: But that’s bullcrap as well. It can’t exist because you can’t make everyone happy.

It’s 30th tomorrow and it’s gonna be payday, and my mum’s birthday due in 3rd October and I’ve already promised to bring her out for a nice dinner. Then I gotta go buy my long-lust items, Nokia E71, a new set of good earphones, clothes and all that. Oh well, overplanning much?

Till then.